HOW A BOOK HELPED A CHILD FIGHT DEPRESSION.

Many years ago, at 6 AM in the morning, I was extremely sad. It was not something personal. I don't even know what was it. Its hard to explain. It was as if someone really young from a distant land had died for no reason. It was as if the earth forgot all its poems as spring turned up. It was as if someone in the neighbourhood tried and failed to commit suicide for one more time; and only I knew the whole thing. It was as if the sun had purposely hid its face, and the crowds of men were going to turn faceless for a day. It was as if I wanted the world to come crashing down.

I mean, it all sounds very stupid, but it was really that kind of a day. I decided to take a stroll down the road. On my way, I could see multitude of people with an inexplicable sadness evidently visible on their faces. I mean, may be, there are days when everyone is just supposed not to be happy or anything. May be such sadness is embedded in our collective consciousness and it only comes alive when sun decides to hide itself, giving us poor folk, a dystopian novel setting.

I was sitting in the park around 8 AM, waiting for something good to happen: a little ray of sunshine may be. Something that could change what was happening. As a kid, with all your wide-eyed naivety and dormant reason, you are really empathetic. I mean, you just want everyone to be happy and sans souci in the town. Such days would really disturb you as a kid. This is just what children are: compassionate, carefree, willing and wanting to be happy, sensitive.

The day was really bad, but next one, or the one after it, was eventually going to be shiny and lively. People were soon going to be filled with joie de vivre again, after a sporadic bout of unhappiness. As a kid, you are hopeful too. So, I got over the day very soon. I was happy the next day, when everything seemed to fall into a perfect place, with birds singing and no apparent sign of gloom.

Somedays ago, I woke up at 6 AM with no apparent sadness. It was same kind of a day. I looked at the sky with steady stoicism and said to myself: dystopian gloom has prevailed for one more day. I was virtually laughing. For one more day, poor folk in town were going to be sad. May be someone from a distant land had died for no reason again. With a cold sense of apathy, I went back to my room and slept in peace. I was happy and content while going to bed. Do I even miss the childhood vulnerability and that unconditional compassion? I am not really sure. Not after that day. Not anymore.

I remember reading John Betjeman, who wrote: Childhood is measured out by sounds and smells and sights, before the dark hour of reason grows.

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STORY OF A YOUNG MAN FIGHTING DEPRESSION

FIGHTING DEPRESSION

Following is interview of one of my dear friend. (anonymous). In the following interview, I asked

him to narrate me any short event that taught him a lesson or was worth experiencing but in reply he summarized his whole life in front of me. He narrates the dips and high points in his life. The following is written in first in first Peron point of view.

I’ll start my story from my school days that taught me many things and I was too scared to go to the school and couldn’t handle much pressure in early days. My mind was too preoccupied to even think about sleeping. It was 4:00 a.m. . . . A part in me kept reminding that there was school tomorrow, but the other part could not help but think; think how miserable my life had come to be. My grandfather was suffering from Dementia (a chronic or persistent disorder of the mental processes caused by brain disease or injury and marked by memory disorders, personality changes, and impaired reasoning. Source Google). The same person who loved his family more than himself, had now forgotten it. I vividly remember how he used to drink tea with me, help me in studies and praise me as if I am the most extraordinary child; but it was just today that he forgot who I was. It was with a heavy heart that I reminded him I was his eldest grandson *****, whom he had named himself. My mother was depressive too. She had even attempted suicide when I was in 6^th grade. What else, she had lost her mother and I could only pray that I do not lose mine.

Then moving into my teenage years here I almost found love of my life. There was a girl in school who could make all my worries disappear. Her smile meant me smiling. Her laugh got me laughing. Her being on my side was enough for me to deal with the troubles at home. She was my soul-mate. I had fallen in love with her. However, my only ray of happiness soon faded away. She too turned out to be tragically depressive. Her previous failed relationship made her feel alone and detached from the world. She meant the world to me but I felt helpless. How could I help her when helping her meant destroying myself? I knew my feelings were too strong to be just friends with her. Staying by her side, knowing that I could not have her as my significant other, would make me die from the inside. The best option, I felt, was to ignore her and let time heal the wounds.

My world felt empty. I asked myself. Why was fate treating me like this? What wrong had I done? I was whining to myself when I noticed something unusual in my father. Behind those glasses, he had red, swollen eyes. Why would he be crying? I thought to myself.

I finally realized.

I realized that it was his dad, who loved his only son more than anything, suffering from Dementia. I realized it was his loving wife of eighteen years who he had lost to depression. I realized it was his family which had broken apart. With a cold sweat, I also realized how I must have broken his heart when he asked me why I do not smile and I coldly replied that there was no reason to. I rushed and hugged him hard. “You’re not alone dad.” I cried. “We have each other.” He finally smiled. His blank eyes filled with life once again. I for the first time acted like the eldest son. It was a life lesson.

My father believes that his love was much greater than the troubles he was facing and thus, always had the strength to continue. Sometimes, we cannot control what happens to us but what we can control is how we deal with it. A pessimistic attitude leads one nowhere. It is only the best of people who find opportunities in the darkest of times. He showed me that love is selfless; it is great enough to make you care more about the person you love than for your own feelings.

When it comes to analyzing this interview I totally get mesmerized and blown away. I’ve known this person for past 8 years of my life and never have I ever listened to his whole story with this focus. I was always fond of him but not because of his hardships but because how he carried himself around he’s a genius in studies and is becoming a doctor.

The part the interested me the most is how he was cry and wiping about his low life and saw a light in his father’s eyes which he wasn’t able to see for many years how the hope was in front of him but he never realized it. The most interesting thing is that nothing happened that was out of blue to make his depression go away but his father’s eyes still managed to grasp his attention and dug him out of his long-lasting depression. Defiantly everyone goes through depression in some part of their lives and some people have a lot more tough life than other’s. It’s hard to find joys of life in different aspects but one should always try, like he tried to find the joy in his friend which he loved but found out that she was also facing many issues and totally unexpected from the situation he found a ray of joy in his father’s eyes that made him focused and made him to learn what life is after all.

What I think about this experience is very clear I implement his mind set most of the times and make my family source of my joy. In these times, most teenagers get irritated by their family but I try not to think in that side. I am sure that my love for my family is great enough to stand by my side.

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